My youth

I used to be a hatefull, ignorant and violent human being. I used to use weapons on people and commit thefts, I realized alot of things while in prison. Prison was the ultimate learning experience because if it wasn't for the murders, human rights violations and abuse I wouldn't of changed my life. I even did a year for threats against a former girlfriend and did not even do them, which in that year my brother commited suicide. That family that lives here never leaves me alone, they cannot see the possibility that a human being changes, especially under hellish circumstances. Recently the brother of this bitter girl barred me from a bar because he was scared of me. Why are these people scared of me, if they even knew the truth. I don't have the energy or time to waste on revenge against police informants, if working for the crooked law gets you feeling great in the end, well whatever.
I can tell you, there is nothing legal about certain cops and the things law enforcement does to people. When I first got released, without my brother, I felt friendless, hopeless. But always my pen pals and noise fans were supporting me through emails and letters. I could not be educated as I am today if it wasn't for lying exgirlfriends saying I was going to kill them, I discovered Anarchist literature, nihilist literature from 1800's Russia and through many books and beatings learned the definition of oppression. Violence, true violence, to commit violence upon people would be like to be those guards, to be those pigs, to be that girl that laughs at you because your brother is dead. Recently I cut my throat and almost never survived, surgery, and a giant nasty scar for life is not all I gained from that. But I realized there is no sense dwelling on negativity, dwell in the past if you will but on the happy moments. My youth was my start to dissecting and analyzing this phenomena of music called noise-core. I listen to rock and roll, country, and punk-hardcore as well but this is the genre that I contributed to the most. With zines, labels, releases, my projects, websites. Adam Rotella and Embryo have been people who I could talk to about personal problems, not just our bizarre music tastes.
I will continue to live free, crime free, hate free and I hope those who harbor hatred let it go. It only serves to destroy you. I plan on someday making a documentary or book about this music and it`s very small underground community, the origins of noise are a 100 years old, but noise-core (improvised music mixed with modern hardcore beats and the fast tempo of the early 80`s will be the main subject. What wars, what strife, what oppression has created who and where. You will see many noisecore bands in places where injustice exists, it is a modern primal expression. It is the ultimate in DIY. So read, study the past, understand the reasons for anti-art in modern culture. I say anti-art meaning not commercially acceptable music. I do believe these genres and these decades of extreme, fast, chaotic music that was often released on DIY tape is the only genre that will never become that `bleedin`stupid noise`` and then become popular in culture like Punk did. You are in the midst of the most underground bands, I hope you do not mind my history lessons either. It`s important we get to know the social reasons of noisecore and past noise music. Why abstract is needed in human life and why we need to use topics that are antisocial, gore, war, etc. These are realities that we cannot nullify ourselves to. Facing and seeing real death has made me appreciate life and love. I am a noisecore hippy and if your band is about hatred, or promoting discriminating hatred then you are truly not representing the use of noisecore. Noisecore philosphy is a reality, peace, love and noisecore.